Nip and Tuck, Kuwaiti style

A hernia by definition is a protrusion of an organ through a viscus. Say what? Anything that goes through a defect of the wall it's containing (an example is your toe going through your torn sock would be a hernia too). Not much a biggie, and can be fixed electively by bringing a patient someday for a scheduled surgery. Sometimes it complicates when for example your intestines get stuck through a hernia which might be around your belly button. And that's exactly what we admitted a lady for a few calls back. A defect around her belly button present for years but only recently started causing pain and occasional vomiting (signs of bowel obstruction).

Day 1: Doctor I only wanna be examined by a lady doctor. Fair enough, she's old, old-school, and probably shy. Lucky for you we got a female doctor on the team.

Day 2: Blah blah blah blah blah blaaaaaah. Damn she's the nagging type. No maam, we have to do some tests to make sure the pain and vomiting isn't from something else.

Day 3: Doctor I'm kinda getting bored from being in the hospital. What's next? WELL maam, we have to schedule you for surgery, but we need to fit you into a slot on the elective surgery list since you're not having any complications anymore (turns out the pain and vomit was from nasty gastritis all over her stomach and not from the hernia itself). At the same time, our next two lists are absolutely full, but we'll try and fit you in.

Day 4: Doctor, while fixing the hernia, can't you also fix this weakness in my abdominal wall which shows a bulge everytime I cough? Sure thing maam, but you have to realise we need to find a bigger slot to fit you in cuz this surgery requires more time than the simpler hernia fix. When? We're not sure yet

Day 4 , two hours later: Any news yet? No, we're not sure yet

Day 4, 4 hours later: When? I don't know

Day 4, 8 hours later: When? I DON'T KNOW.

Day 5 (just before the consultant who leads the team arrives): Doctor, since we're on the topic I've lost about 10Kgs in like 10 days, but how about you take off another 10Kgs off my tummy (hinting for an abdominoplasty, they chop off some of the excess skin, tighting the skin with some nice sutures, and make you look a tad-bit cuter but with one heck of a long scar). Maam you realise, the skin we remove only takes off about 2-3Kgs max, it's cosmetic not therapeutic.

Day 5, 15 minutes later: Doctor, I want the hernia repaired, the defect fixed, the abdominoplasty, and gastric bypass (a major bariatric surgery where they by-pass your stomach so you eat less and lose alotta weight). Maam, you don't need it. Doctor, but my brother did it! Maam! MAAM! you need alotta tests before this surgery, and you're not in a condition which necessates you to undergo such a major surgery, and besides you're not fat enough to need such thing. Doctor, I know, but my brother did it, and so I might as well do it. Maam, why don't you do your own freaking surgery then!

il-kuwait habbat! people just go with the flow no matter what or how, at whatever cost. They eat and grow their asses fat. They develop diabetes and high blood pressure, end up screwing their kidneys and eyes. And instead of eating moderately and excercising, they go for the easy way out by doing a major surgery like gastric-bypass (which can statistically kill you!) so they lose the weight and continue sitting their asses, making fun of Halima on TV (while in reality they're just jealous).

Whatever dude!